No really mom... don't read this

Oh my god I'm hungov.... fuck no I'm not, I'm still drunk. I am still very drunk. It's got to be six in the morning. Maybe even earlier. I glance at the clock. 10:30. This isn't right. My last memory before going unconscious is saying "Shit guys, we need to go to bed. The sun's up!" Maybe this is right. I look down. I'm wearing.... a bikini?! Why on earth am I wearing a bikini? Does anyone know what this means? My clothes stayed on all night! I look over; Kevin is snoring. Wait, why the fuck is Kevin in bed next to me? Slowly but drunkenly, it all comes back to me.

I get off work around eleven and head home to let Misha out. I am exhausted and covered in food. Mmmm leftovers. I am in bed, when, a little before midnight, my phone rings. It's Kelly, seeing if I want to go out. I tell her I'm not really up for a party and she informs me that there will be a small get together at Daniel's for hot tubbing with all the people we work with. Ok, I'll be there in ten. I get to the house a little after twelve and open my first beer. I drink in about two minutes and feel it instantly. Oh, right. I just ran my ass off for five hours and have nothing in my system. So I drink another beer. And another. Someone decides we should play kings cup. I'm not sure who it was, but they're a genius. We play a few rounds, none of which we actually finish, and as more people are starting to show up, we decide to go outside. People keep arriving with beer. This is awesome. I'm wearing my bikini under my sundress and at some point lose the dress. Eh, at least I've got the bikini on. We're in and out of the jacuzzi like kids with ADD when I see someone smoking a cigarette. I hate cigarettes with a passion and I'm instantly annoyed by people who smoke them, but I want one, and I want one now. I smoke an entire cigarette and love every puff. I continue to smoke four more. Not knowing what do do with the combination drunk and cigarette high, I head back inside for another round of kings cup. I sit down and play for a bit, but start to get cold so I wander outside to find my dress. On my way out, I kick over a beer can. I bend over to pick it back up, and instead pick up one that is already upright, hold it for a second, then proceed to set it back down. No need to thank me guys, I'm here to help. Daniel laughs at me and tells me I picked up the wrong can. I'm confused, but I bend over and in the process of picking up the overturned can, I knock over the upright one. After continuing this process for several minutes, I'm over it. I find my dress soaking wet and ask Daniel where the dryer is. I throw my dress in and return to the kings cup. At a table full of coworkers, including Kevin, Danny, Tony, Jared, Daniel, Kelly, and Kelly, I take advantage of a moment where everyone is looking away, and flash Kelly. It's official. I am making good, well thought-out decisions. A while later, I convince Kevin that I need help getting my suit from the dryer, and lead him to the laundry room, where I go on to, as he so romantically put it, jump him. We make out for a bit- whether it was thirty seconds or half an hour, I have no idea, until Daniel comes into the laundry room. Oops. I leave, and tell Kelly I'm going home. She let's me know I'm not going anywhere, and that she's got a bed set up for me. I tell Kevin the plan. Three times.
I go to bed, and completely pass out, sprawled across the whole thing. I'm not sure how or when Kevin made it to bed, but I'm grateful he's a gentleman.

The next day at work, Daniel sees me for two shifts. He asks if I'm working a double and I nod. "Why the hell didn't you mention that last night?"
"I don't know. I was drunk!" Shit I'm still drunk. The next night I'm at work, talking to Tory, a manager, who says "So I hear you've been paying attention to Kevin lately." Dear God, I quit.